Whether you’re an A-list celebrity or ‘mere mortal’, Manj Weerasekera, The Fresh Start Guy, believes there are five deadly mistakes that divorced men make when looking for lasting love the second, or even third, time around:
1. Attracting the same woman again
2. Not reviewing themselves
3. Jumping in too soon
4. Not designing their ideal partner
5. Not getting expert help
Let’s look specifically at number 1). Manj says that many men make this mistake when looking for lasting love the second or third time around; they often end up marrying the same woman again. It’s just that she turns up in a different body. If it’s not the same woman, it’s often that they end up in the same situations. That is partly due to one of the other deadly mistakes that men make, which is jumping back into a relationship far too quickly.
A good example is Hollywood actor Charlie Sheen who has been married three times. None of the marriages made the five year mark and all within a span of 16 years. This period apparently littered with consistent reports of violent behaviour, alcoholism, drug abuse and liaising with escorts and adult film actresses. In 2014 after breaking off another engagement, Sheen reportedly stated that he intended to focus more on his children than on another relationship. Taking some time to work on himself may prove to be very helpful before he ventures out into the world of romance once again. And it’s certainly something Manj recommends to any man with a history of failed relationships behind him; take a bit of time to work on you, before you ‘get back out there’.
So what could be the possible cause of so many men ending up again and again with women of similar personality and even looks? Well, the neuroscience research over the past two decades and most recently from Yale University, strongly suggest that for at least 95% of the time our thinking is controlled by our own autopilots. This means our decisions and behaviours are governed by the emotional conditioning we receive. This then clearly impacts the relationships men get drawn into. And unless changes are made, these reactive patterns simply continue without their conscious awareness and they simply cannot help themselves.
Actor Sean Penn has been linked to a series of ‘similar’ women; married to Madonna, then married to Robin Wright, the dating Scarlett Johansen and then engaged to Charlize Theron (the couple split in June 2015). As well as being beautiful blondes, they are also strong-minded women. With reports of violence Sean Penn is an example of a man who is making at least two of the deadly mistakes; not working on himself, and marrying/dating the same woman again.
So what’s there to learn from all this? In Manj’s experience of working with divorced men, if they avoid two of the five deadly mistakes by not jumping straight back into a major relationship and losing some of the matrimonial baggage they carry around in their autopilots, they give themselves a better chance of true happiness the second or third time around.
When it comes to jumping in too soon it could be that men simply do not handle their new-found freedom well enough. Does our male energy drive our need to be with a woman, even to the point where we make poor choices?
Take Nicholas Cage for example whose first marriage to Patricia Arquette only lasted nine months before they separated and divorced four years later. His second marriage to Lisa Marie Presley didn’t fare any better. They married after a ten day engagement and filed for divorce three months later. The divorce proceedings then took 18 months which was longer than the marriage!
He married wife 3, Alice Kim, in 2004 – and that relationship is still going strong. Alice has a very different background to his two previous wives and wasn’t part of the Hollywood A-listers set. It seems that by choosing a genuinely different woman for a wife, Cage has found a relationship that will last.