We’ve all been there. Breakups aren’t exactly the pièce de résistance to our life narratives and as 2016 draws to a close it had me reminiscing in the most disastrous way – retrospectively. We all have that one particular break up which sticks in the back of our throat like a lamb madras when we recall it. Be it because it was unavoidable, inevitable, unexpected… it’s an incredibly taxing time on us emotionally. Women tend to vent that verbally, it’s what we’re good at, a good old fashioned bitch. At the time that I went through my most painful breakup, anybody within a 25mile radius was greeted with a very creative string of blaspheming, booing about all the nasty things he did and the fact I’d quite happily hire someone to take a big sloppy shit on his windscreen.
It’s bizarre how accurate the cliché that “time heals” truly is. Now? Jokes aside, if I saw the same man that broke me into fragments those years ago – I’d tell him that I forgive him. I broke up with him after a series of very toxic events however, we found ourselves in a predicament with a grandeur that neither of us could have ever truly anticipated. His way of coping ended up catching me in the firing line, which was painful for me, but I forgive him. I had the luxury of hours of shouting and screaming to my closest gal pals to vent about that – which I feel has directly impacted my ability to accept what happened. A recent study actually showed that men suffer more from a breakup, which could be intrinsically linked back to their inability to… for lack of a better phrase, ear-bash the hell out of their pals to relieve some of the resentment and damaged egos. So I researched the matter by asking 7 men for their perspective on the matter and the answers will really shock you… get ya Kleenex because it turns out fuckboys have feelings too – who knew.
“How are you?”
I don’t harbour any resentment towards [name]. She split up with me but I understand her reasoning and the whole relationship was a logistical nightmare.
Men don’t vocalise their feelings and I haven’t spoken to anyone about her since. I’ve got a knack for burning bridges or clean break (which ever you want to call it). I have no intention of contacting her but if I did, it would just be to see how she’s doing. I think she’s engaged to her fella now haha.
“Did you have any respect for me?”
The reasoning behind my relationship with [name] ending in my mind was it simply didn’t work out, I didn’t put enough effort in and took her for granted. Now that I’ve absorbed some of the blame, I’d like to direct some towards [name].
I don’t feel like she was completely honest with me, within a few weeks of us breaking up she was seeing another guy and I knew they shared a mutual interest in each other previous to our relationship.
If I was say anything to her, well, where would I start? While I don’t beat myself up about it, was I really to blame and if I had done things differently would it have made any difference?
“I’m sorry for taking the easy way out”
I was overloaded with everything; work, trying to save for a house, rugby, relationship. I had a plan for a house but that fell through and it messed me up a bit. We talked about moving in together and I started to panic and I broke up with her. She got a new boyfriend shortly after which killed me, because I’d had time by then to process everything. If I saw her now, I would have to admit that I’d been a dick, made a decision too quickly and taken the easy way out. She deserves better than what I gave her and I know I made a huge mistake in losing her.
I wouldn’t even waste my time
We broke up because I couldn’t drop everything and all my friendships to make the relationship work. It was a controlling relationship with the girl demanding 100% of my time and not being trusting of me.
If I had the chance to talk to her now – I would probably not waste my time, I think the past is in the past but I really wish she would have realised that she meant a lot to me but I couldn’t just be focused 100% on her and ignore my friends for the relationship to work. Guys are allowed to have female friends without wanting to sleep with them.
“I was never good enough”
[Name] broke up with me because she wasn’t feeling it. Still perplexes me to this day. It messed me up a bit because I just couldn’t understand it and she was the first person I liked since my long term girlfriend. Speaking about it now… I gave her everything she ever wanted but it wasn’t good enough. I was ideal for her, I tried and she made the mistake.
We were both clearly toxic for one another, but we were young and believed from the moment we saw each other that we would end up together until death. That we would both rather be martyrs than leave the others side, that we would surely last because of how much we loved each other. That however was not to be the case. That emotion was fatal for us. No matter what, I will always have love for her and throughout all the warring, she was still perfect. I never wanted to believe that either of us could find happiness anywhere else than with each other after, but she did. I was lost.
I’m trying to now be the best I can be with my new partner from the start, knowing what it is to lose something that makes you want to actually live – and to never let it go again. So to my ex, I think my new partner would actually say thank you for shaping me into what I am now both physically and emotionally. I would thank her as well, because had we not broken up I would probably not be who I am today – though it hurts still to see myself write it.
“I would do anything to erase the pain I caused you.”
We were going out for just over a year and a half and I broke up with her around 3 years back now. To this day, I still remember how I felt when I saw that first tear drop roll down her cheek. It was a shock to everyone when it ended. They all said we were perfect together. But that’s the thing – I didn’t see that. I loved every moment we spent together, and I’ll always look back on the fun times we had. But it came down to the fact that I loved being WITH her, but I wasn’t IN love with her.
What would I say to [name]? I am truly so sorry for the pain I caused. If there was a button to make you forget about me in an instance, I would press that button a thousand times over to save you having to go through that even one more time. You meant so much to me, that to see you go through that much pain because of me, was soul destroying.
I hope you find Mr Right, and that he loves you with everything he has until his last breath – you deserve nothing less. Thank you for sticking by my through the good and the bad. Although I didn’t deserve your love, you helped me grow into the person I am today, and I will never forget that.