Relaxing in the sanctuary of a spa, sipping on Prosecco with my favourite gals, the topic of masturbation gingerly arose. This involved the sharing of many horror stories. My personal fave, included the time one of us went to tidy our ex-boyfriend’s bedroom for a nice, surprise gesture and came face to face with a monstrous pile of crispy socks that could have cracked just by looking at them. Yea.
There’s a very mixed bag of opinions when it comes to our fellas masturbating. Some of us believe it’s totally healthy, others believe that it must directly relate to how happy a fella is in their relationship. “He has a girlfriend who is an absolute queen, why would he possibly need to wank?!”
So… we addressed the taboo and asked 20, 18-34 year old men the question and this is what we found.
Of the fellas who were in a relationship, over half of them would buff their bananas at least once a day or more, compared to only 40% in the singleton category. Those who were happily married would generally only tickle their pickles 1-2 times a week which they’d describe as an average week for them. The facts which came to light, highlighted that regardless of age or relationship status, there is absolutely no correlation between how often these men take matters into their own hands.
We decided to interrogate a couple of chaps about what they thought their girlfriends perspective on their habits may be and we just adore their responses.
“Look, a man’s gotta eat 3 to 5 meals a day. It would be nice if we could have a sit down steak dinner with a partner 5 times a day but no one has time for that. So sometimes we have to grab a sandwich on the way out of the door.”
Josh, 25, In a Relationship.
“The longest I’ve been in my adolescent life is 8 days without release and I felt sick by the end.”
Steven, 27, Single.
“I’m convinced that three wanks a day makes me a happier man. Morning one to get the day started, cheeky afternooner to take the edge off the day, then a before bedder cause you deserve a reward after a long day. I’m in a fowl mood the next day if I miss my bedtime wank. Like such a fowl mood.”
Ben, 32, Married.
What was really interesting, was that 80% of the fellas in relationships would NOT feel comfortable discussing how frequently they stroke their salamis with their partners. Many of us gals fear that it means we aren’t providing the quality or quantity that our blokes need – that we’re failing our girlfriend duty. Fear not ladies, it appears we couldn’t be more wrong, as one of our fellows kindly put….
“Satisfying our needs and satisfactory sex are two completely separate things. It makes sex all the more enjoyable. It’s the cheeky nandos that we so deeply crave after days of bread and butter”